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Man. Talk about exhaustion. Now that moving is sealed and imminent, I finally have the fire needed to get straight to packing. Which, by the way, sucks, especially when you’re trying to unload a lot of things on your poor friends who, while they enjoy free stuff, just don’t find much of a need for your green-and-yellow dartboard and the like. Shucks.

The story of today is that of the Demon Couch. Don’t get me wrong; the couch itself is very nice. A bachelor dream, even; it’s leather, both ends recline, and the center cushion unfolds into a tray with two cupholders in the middle. It was given to me for free, for reasons I’ll get into later. It’s kind of like the Hope Diamond of couches; it brings bad things to all who own it. And now I’ve passed the buck. This thing is a behemoth. Since it reclines, it has miles worth (it seems now, anyway) of steel frame holding it together and making it work. Everyone who moves it says it’s the heaviest couch they’ve had to deal with.
The story began a year ago, when I was moving out of my old place. My old place was a one-bedroom apartment that all the charm of an insane asylum. Its walls were so thin I could hear my neighbors’ phone ring. It was so poorly insulated that it took $150 a month to cool a 700-square-foot area. When friends came over they would sit in their car, call me, and have me come get them, simply because the hallways of the place looked like they straight out of The Shining (and had “REDRUM” written in graffiti on the elevator wall, to boot). It just wasn’t fun.

My angelic friends come to stay at my place the night before, and naturally, we were out at Cutters for awhile beforehand. Upon returning to my place early to wake up and move, we notice an unfortunate sign on the elevator: “OUT OF ORDER. WILL BE REPAIRED MONDAY. APOLOGIES FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.” Inconvenience, indeed, since I had to be out by Sunday and lived on the top floor, the fourth. We shrug, figure the next day will be a bit tougher, and get to sleep.

The next day was the hottest day in Georgia that summer. It was July, 100 degrees outside, and humid. The type of humidity that makes you sweat as soon as you walk outside and fogs up all of your apartment windows in the morning. It was bad. Not only that, but we had to get it down four flights of stairs. Fire escape stairs. Which has doors that close automatically, trapping heat in. It had to have been 115+ in that stairwell. Not only that, but it’s narrow as heck. How do we solve this problem? Standing the couch on end so that it’s vertical, pushing it end-over-end so the top is falling towards the next downstairs landing, and have someone standing in the stairs to support its weight and flip it over on their back. Once it had flipped, we had to stand it up vertically on the next landing, scoot it over so it faced the next flight of stairs, and repeat the process…all the while losing pounds of water through sweating. Needless to say, I informed my friends that they’d never have to help me move again, ever.
So, today, I get a knock on my door while I’m frantically packing, which is odd, since nobody lives out where I do (not a very college-like place, which suits me fine). It’s a friend I had told could take the couch if she came and picked it up. Her and another friend of ours, Jonathan, come in and we start assessing the couch. Problem: I had forgotten this and had told my neighbor he could have it, too. So I feel I can get crafty and tell my neighbor The Cop that someone else came and got it, as I’d forgotten about that (as I had when I told him). And, of course, when we’re figuring out how to get the couch out, I get another knock on my door. It’s him.

Thankfully, we were both relieved that he didn’t want the couch; he figured he had no place to put it, after all. Since he’s my neighbor and the resident police officer, he helps us get this monstrosity of furniture out of my place by backing the U-Haul up behind my apartment (no small feat, as it’s a large apartment complex and he had to jump a curb or two). But we think, hey, if the cop wants to, the cop gets to. We shove it out of my backdoor and into the U-Haul.

After arriving at Lauren’s place, we realize there’s little chance that getting it up her stairs will be easy, either. They’re outside, it’s raining, and we have no maneuverability at the top. Eventually we give up trying to plan how to do it and just start hauling it up the slippery stairs. Towards the top, we realize that planning might have been a better decision, as half the couch is resting at the landing on the top and I’m below the damn thing holding half of the weight on my own, with nowhere to move it to. Eventually Jonathan just had to jump down a few feet from the balcony onto the stairs, and again, we shoved the thing up vertically from a few stairs below to creep it into the apartment.

I know you probably had to be there to appreciate this story, but the thankful conclusion is that I no longer have the Demon Couch. It’s now off to ruin someone else’s moving day. Plus, there was no way I was going to bring that sort of karma to California with me by keeping it. I think the next time this person moves, they just need to get at it with a hatchet first or throw it off the balcony to get it down. It’s just that bad.

Tomorrow starts the workweek again, and hopefully I’ll get a better handle on how the moving company is going to deal with this. Apparently they load up and ship out on Friday, but I still don’t know how much I have to pack up before they get here; I don’t think it’s quite full-service, but it’s not like I’m just renting a U-Haul myself this time, either. I just want it done.
I’m never moving again.

• What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
Oh, nothing; just moved on the completely opposite side of the country from the state I’d lived in my entire life before that point.
• Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.
• Did anyone close to you die?
Nope.
• What would you like to have in 2008 that you didn’t have in 2007?
More balance. I do almost nothing but prepare for work, work, or study/research for work. I’m cool with that now as I love what I do and the company I do it for, but if I had a hobby to fill in the gaps, all the better.
• What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
August 1st, without a doubt. I woke up at a Holiday Inn in Winslow, Arizona, after two full days of driving across the country by myself. After leaving there that day, I saw the Grand Canyon for the first time (a truly awesome experience), feared for my life while driving through a fierce monsoon rainstorm in the Mojave Desert, and drove into the driveway of my new home, and life, in Los Angeles. Upon arriving, I immediately received a call from my boss’ boss and went to a work outing, indicative of how the next few months would go and how my focus shifted in just a few days’ time.
• What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting the balls to completely shake up my life. I moved from Georgia to Los Angeles, previously surrounded by familiarity, people that loved me, and in a completely safe position in all regards. Which only means I felt stagnant, which I loathe. It only took me 30 minutes to decide to make the biggest change of my life way back in May; I drove 2,500 miles away from what I’d known for 23 years to see what I could do on my own.
• What was your biggest failure?
Not honoring those close to me before my move and giving all of them the time they deserved before I moved; also, not saying what I should’ve to a few before leaving. It was a whirlwind.
• Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nope! My immune system only fears kryptonite. Which is nice, because it’s fictional.
• What was the best thing you bought?
Drinks for all of my friends before I left. Honestly. Times spent there can’t trump what few material possessions I’ve gathered over the past 12 months.
• Whose behavior merited celebration?
My father’s. He took the news of me moving in stride, never wavering in level-headed advice.
• Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Certain people who have stopped speaking to me since I announced my intentions to move to L.A., usually after a raging fight. It was manipulative, sure, but I’m still sad it ended up that way.
• Where did most of your money go?
In the first half of the year, spending as much time as I could with friends in Athens. In the latter half of the year, dealing with the system-shock that is L.A. living expenses.
• What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Moving across the country. Also got me really, really, really scared shitless.
• What song will always remind you of 2007?
I Don’t Love You by My Chemical Romance. This album is far and away my most-listened album of 2007; plus, this particular song echoed the response I got from a few people over the news of my move. Dagnabbit.
• Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
Happier, if only out of pure wide-eyed ignorance. I’m excited and nervous about living here, which for me translates into being at least satisfied.
ii. Thinner or fatter?
About the same. We’ll see how the next gym blitz goes.
iii. Richer or poorer?
Richer.
• What do you wish you’d done more of?
Keeping in touch with old friends.
• What do you wish you’d done less of?
Getting so worked up about my job. I don’t mind how much time and effort I spend on it, but wrapping it into my over-arching mood might prove a tad bit unhealthy down the line somewhere.
• How will you be spending Christmas?
I have no idea. To me, it’s just another day, especially without the draw of family within drivable distances.
• Did you fall in love in 2007?
Almost in the beginning of the year, not so much the rest of it. Haven’t figured out these California women yet, you see.
• What was the best book you read?
Damn, I’m a nerd. Code Complete. It showed me that even something as nebulous as software engineering and design can have systematically applied metrics and returns.
• What was your greatest musical discovery?
The Drive-By Truckers, freakin’ finally. They’re an Athens band that I’d been exposed to for all the years I’d lived there, but the first time I listened to all the albums straight through was when I was driving across the deserts of New Mexico and Arizona. Freaky stuff in that environment sometimes, but I loved it. I regret not doing it, you know, before leaving Athens.
• What did you want and get?
A change large enough to re-evaluate all aspects of my life.
• What did you want and not get?
Global domination? No…I suppose what I didn’t get was an overly compelling reason to stay where I was. No offense, Georgia peeps!
• What was your favorite film of this year?
No Country for Old Men. Masterpiece.
• What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
I turned 24. I can’t even remember what I did. I think I went out with my roommates for a drink or two. Work night, you see.
• What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Convincing more Georgia friends to fly out here to see me.
• How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Hah, funny; I had to switch from the informal dress code of the Athens office to the (slightly) more formal code of the California office; which meant less shorts and flip-flops, really. Nothing huge.
• What kept you sane?
What always does: keeping myself so far beyond busy that I don’t have the chance to ponder insanity.
• Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Ron Paul!
• What political issue stirred you the most?
I’m incredibly political, and not in the mindset of one of the major political parties, so all political issues stir me something awful.
• Who did you miss?
Absolutely everyone. All the old work people, the Cutters crowd, Jenna, Lori, Brockman, Katie M., the fraternity, everyone. I’d say I miss you, Katie L., but we only ever talk over e-mail anyway.
• Who was the best new person you met?
Oh, hell. I’m probably missing something obvious here, but so much of my time has been spent focusing on people I already knew this year that I didn’t have much time to focus on those I didn’t know yet.
• Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
Sometimes, it’s good to take on the unknown, forget about being comfortable, and just do something new, no matter how many people tell you you’re insane.
• Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Oh, screw that; I’ll give you stanzas.
Well I got that green light baby
I got to keep movin’ on
Well I got that green light baby
I got to keep movin’ on
Well I might go out to California
Might go down to Georgia
I don’t know

Well, I dig you Georgia peaches
Makes me feel right at home
Well now, I dig you Georgia peaches
Makes me feel right at home
But I don’t love me no one, woman
So I can’t stay in Georgia long

Well now, they call me the breeze
I keep blowin’ down the road
Well now, they call me the breeze
I keep blowin’ down the road
I ain’t got me nobody
I don’t carry me no load
Oh, Mister Breeze
- Lynyrd Skynyrd

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